Thursday, December 18, 2008

My second biggest life lesson

The first is patience, the second is letting go. God has certainly tested me on both of these charactieristics during this adoption journey.
The girls are back at their orphanages.
First it was Molly Jane. When I handed her back to the worker I wasn't sure I could walk out. Big sobs started deep in my chest. I kissed her hand and she was gone. I have the most wonderful attorney. He really understands what it feels like to walk away from a child. He put his arms around me in the hall. Such a kind man.
The orphanage was very clean and I got to see her play room where her groupa is. There were no other kids, but there were 4 workers who came to greet her. None of them spoke English, but they were very happy to see her.
Myia went in to Molly Janes' orphanage with us and she wanted to stay and play on the toys and she started to cuy when we left. But what was so amazing is that she laid like a baby in my arms all the way to her orphanage about 45 minutes. It was almost like she knew what was coming next.
It was so much easier leaving her because when we drove up to her orphanage she got very excited. It was a beautiful old ski lodge! It had an incredible wood staircase that curved down into the foyer. And a huge brick fireplace. She went willingly with the worker up the stairs and when she got to the landing she waved, "ata" goodbye.
Now I'm back at this apartment and it is eerily quiet. Molly Jane's hat was lying on the table. I will see her social worker in the mornng at court and give it to her. Myia's cup of apple juice was in the refrigerator half gone. The baby spoon was in the sink from lunch.
I want to go home. I want to see my other kids. And now here's where the patience comes back into practive....I don't know when the next visit will be. I won't know tomorrow at court, they'll e-mail me when they get a date.
This is sort of like when my son was born and he had to stay in intensive care for a month. We lived on an island in Puget Sound and he was in a hospital in Seattle. It might as well have been half way around the world. And his big sister, who was 20 months old, was at home. So when I was with him, I had to leave her, when I was with her, I couldn't be with him. And so it goes...


Amy said...

Oh Linda,
I am crying after reading your post. It is so hard to leave, but especially for you because you lived with them for two weeks. I will be praying for peace and patience for you as you wait.

Rachel said...

I will be praying for you and your precious little girls!

MamaPoRuski said...

What a testimony of love and faith! Still praying for strength and peace for you!
We have snow now in Seattle and schools have been closed for two days! (only 1" in most places)
I had to get out my Ukraine gear just to see if I'll be warm enough when we go!

AZmomto8 said...

(((((((Linda))))))))))) Bless your heart, I cried reading this, it is so hard to leave them in the orphanage and walk away, but to leave the country too, and for who knows how long? My heart goes out to you.

Dolores said...

Trying to hold back the sobs myself!

WannaBe Mom said...

I've been here following your posts. I don't know where to start...
Just please know that your willingness to share your truth and heart...have been priceless to me. You are a hero to me. Thank you for living your life on purpose rather than by accident. You encourage me to want to keep seeking the same for my life.

We finally received our approval today from NBC. It's a horribly long story...but, I had a feeling that I was going to keep finding the mailbox empty. So I called NBC today and foudn out they never rcvd our last addendums...over two weeks ago.
Our agent at NBC was leaving on vacation today too. So, by the grace of God...and I mean GOD...at about five till five tonight, she got the correct fax and said it looked great and would send it to Victoria. On top of that, Dina is now first on the list for everyone to see her bio. I don't have to tell you how badly I am wanting to be where you are. However, in the same breath...I don't know how I'll make it when I am in your shoes.
I am grieving with you. We will get through this. Also, please know, that I know how it feels to be there alone. I too was a single mom for a long time. We...all of us here...are your partners to get you through this. My favorite quote..."Everything's gonna be alright." And it will.
You have a lot to do when you get home, thankfully. You know God's got the girls...He also has you. Let Him be your shoulder...cry and scream and let out all the frustration that goes with living the past year at the total mercy of others. I look forward to having you back in the states. Have you taken yourself to a good Latvian restaurant yet?

Hugs to you. You are appreciated!!!
Lisa McElwee in Missouri

Alice said...

I've been thinking of you, praying for you, and even shedding a few tears for you today, Linda.